【The Playbirds】

In the most recent Game of Thronesepisode,The Playbirds our heroes had a Very Dumb Idea: To bring someone from the army of the dead south to King's Landing so that Cersei will believe it's real.

Um...okay?? We don't know a lot about the thousands of undead soldiers marching toward Westeros, but among what we do know is that A) they are murderous, and B) do you need more?

But since the Eastwatch squad is already en route and Daenerys and Tyrion have signed on for this hair-brained plan, the least we, the citizens of this fandom can do, is offer some advice.

First of all, thank youto everyone on twitter clarifying the difference between a White Walker and a Wight. I hope you are also tweeting HBO on the technicalities of their frequent use of "dead men." Since White Walkers are only the big dawgs like the Night King, Jon and the others can pick literally any other undead person to bring south. Here are some creative ways for them to do so:

1. A sturdy cage

Trucks don't exist in Westeros, so the wight must be placed in a cage and transported via wagon or whatever. Can their brute strength bend/break metal bars? There is only one way to find out.

2. A massive cooler

This is more practical for white walkers (see? I know the difference) who appear to be made mostly of ice, but wights are still dead bodies. They are cold and should be kept that way to preserve there...erm...wight-ness.

3. Befriend it

Is this like a Frankenstein's monster thing, where all the wights and walkers really want is human affection? Can we solve this war with hugs?

4. In disguise

Don't disguise the wight, but disguise yourselves to look like the undead. Get some blue contacts from the local maester and do your best expressionless impression of someone in the army of the dead.

5. Carefully

Move slowly and tediously for many weeks and months. It will probably still take two minutes in episode form.

6. Throw it to each other

There are seven brave souls at Eastwatch on this hair-brained mission, and standing 10 feet apart and throwing a small zombie to each other in succession doesn't seem much sillier than their current plan.

ali

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